Tuesday, April 17, 2007

A Case of the Exploding Pants.

Ok, so my brother and I have a tendency to buy pants that are eager to explode in the croch area. This explosion normally comes after about two or three months and usually there are clues as to when the actual explosion is going to happen. Hints such as see through threading, and the usual worn out look of denim. Today, however, seemes to be the exception.
I was on my bicycle riding up third from Bayview to the Embarcadero. It happened just before Evans street, about half way through my trip. It was so windy today that I frequently had to stand to pedal, either that or the wind would slow me down to the point of tipping over. It happened as I was sitting back down on my saddle. I was slidding back into place and my saddle bit onto the inseam of my pants and took quite a sizable chunk out. The bite was so sizable that my right buttock proceeded to take the opportunity to bask in the sunlight. My taint and the bottom portion of my scrotum, caressed by the leather, soon began to chafe. I tried keeping the flap of denim between me and my saddle, that was useless. What was I to do?
I rode the next two miles, bare back, yes, bare back. Only to get to the Embarcadero BART station an hour before they let bikes on. So I found a pillar in a nice sunny spot and proceded to lean for the next hour. When the sun would move, I would watch for people aproaching and when the coast was clear, I would leap to the next sunny pillar. A BART ride home with my shoulder pack between my legs ended my day....now I am going to go to bed and have nightmares about this.

1 comment:

Vasiliki Demetra said...

Ok, now I see! I didn't know you blogged, my little large-thighed brother. I can picture you hopping from one column to the next. Makes me laugh at my computer. :)