Friday, November 30, 2007

Wait, what???

"and the colored girls go, 'dew, dewdew, dewdew, dewdew, dewdewdewdew, dew'"

Did no one pick up on that???

"A San Diego computer programmer who has spent £100,000 on tattoos and plastic surgery to turn himself into a "tiger" wants a fur graft. Dennis Smith is tattooed from head to toe with orange and black stripes and his teeth have been filed to needle point. He has also had latex whiskers implanted and surgery to his lips so he has a permanent snarl. He now wants a surgeon to graft tiger fur on to his skin, like a perma-wig.

Mr Smith, who has changed his name by deed poll to Cat Man, said: "I have a collection of old tiger pelts from the days of hunting. I want these grafted on to me. It will cost another $100,000 but will be worth it. "When I have the coat of a tiger, I feel I will have reached my goal in life."

His fingernails have been crafted into sharp talons while his hands have tattooed markings like a tiger's paws. He says he feels like a tiger. The short back-and-sides he sported at the University of California has been replaced with a long orange mane. He has also swapped his glasses for green contact lenses.

He holds down a £80,000-a-year computer programming job which enables him to fund the surgery, the Daily Record reports. He admitted: "Of course people stare at me when I walk down the street but that's the effect I desire. For so long I have equated myself with the tiger that I decided to change myself into one. It's the real me. So many men cross-dress without their partners knowing, or dress up and play cowboys or Civil War soldiers at weekends. Me, I'm a tiger all the time and I love it. I had my first tattoos done 20 years ago around my eyes and now my whole body is one pastiche of stripes and shading. I am really proud of it all."I'm a tiger all the time and I love it.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Today I am thankful for...

My Family....

To the lessons I have learned from each individual member of my family....Thank you.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Oh God!!!

I haven't done anything interesting in a while. I haven't gotten dirty in a while. I haven't used my hands in a while. I haven't gotten cut, scraped, or bled in a while.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Element Lounge

On another note, my body's murderess plans were disturbed last night at 3:00am when a group of, no doubt North Beach or Marina folks, decided to stand outside my window and scream "Wheeeeeeeewww!!!!" over and over. I didn't actually hear any dialogue, just "Wheeeeewwww!!!" until someone in the apartment decided to do something about it. And by something I mean screaming back at them. Note: this doesn't actually make noise go away. Arguments ensue, tough guys acting like tough guys, challenges were flung, and in the end, so was a pot of cabbage, carrots and pork....seriously, my neighbor, in a fury to find something to toss at these idiots, ransacked his/her apartment and ended up at the fridge with last nights left overs. All kinds of hilarity ensued. Needless to say, I had to watch my step coming out of the building as the sidewalks were covered in baby carots and cabbage and pork...You gotta love what a horrible bar, strategically placed across the street from your bedroom window, will do to your nights.

Muay Thai

This past Tuesday, 11/13, marks the start of my training regimen. I am now training at Fairtex in San Francisco. I have always had the utmost respect for the fighters and trainers that gym has produced. My mind is excited to be back, my body, however, wants to murder me in my sleep. My calves feel like intestines stuffed to the point of bursting, my back, filled with marble sized pockets of battery acid, my forearms like pounded beef, my ribs, cracked and broken. But it feels so good. I can hardly walk, and when I do it's jerky, weak, and forced.

Back with more later.

Monday, November 12, 2007

minus minus

I also really hate it when girls who are taking aerobic kick boxing get into their stance, curl their hands into their chests and start bouncing back and forth and then do a really, really high front kick.

I also really hate it when you see these kids, like eight, nine, and ten year old kids who have black belts and are doing their forms. I really, really want to be their older brother for obvious reasons.