my sweet baby

i resented work. i couldn't hang out. it was my first job. i had to present myself every morning, foolishly. you are my best friend. we'd talked about this for years. living together. i hate who i was trying to become. his limitations.

i resented my girlfriend at the time. she was eclipsed. she ate my time. i thought about all that time i could've been spending with you in those last months.

6 months we had. and i blew it. i gave you up. handed you off. i hate everything i passed you up for. want no part of it. am trying desperately to rid myself of it.

you and i used to dream. we had bands, wrote books, talked shit, drank, fought, well, you beat the hell out of me. you had lasted. through all the years. as friends. i think we hated each other for a while too. but we came back. you were solid. there was always you. regardless.