another day at the office

yesterday was a long one. we were in and out of meetings and briefings. mechanicals needed revising and re releasing. we couldn't get the color match we wanted on the proofs. things just weren't going our way. when 5:30 rolled around i almost cried. half an hour more and we'd all be outta here. that was until millie came out of her office, hair frazzled and said that we'd all be spending the night.

we all holed up in the main conference room and ordered a dozen gallons of ice cream and all the toppings you could imagine. some how in the stress of it the room had broken up into clicks. pat, hillary and i had kinda formed a little team. we were filled with resentment and loathing that our youth was being taken away. it didn't take long for us to come up with the greatest revenge plan. we talked about it for about a half hour more and then broke. in one hour we'd act out our revenge. that hour passed by ever so slowly. pat, hillary and i, making eye contact across the room. giving the occasional nod. as the time drew near pat and hill disappeared and i blended in with the crowd. five minutes later pat came flying out of a broom closet. he was naked except for the newspaper wrapped around his waist. man was he flying. i've never seen him move so fast. it wasn't until he brushed past me that i noticed that he hadn't wrapped the newspaper all the way around. all i saw was an ass crack and stock stats and orange beaming through the room. he was closing in on the conference room table, where all the ice cream was. in the next second he was in the air, belly flop position. floating. soaring. like an eagle. and then he hit the table. it was perfect. ice cream went flying in every direction. onto all the nicely pressed suits. smeared on glasses. into open mouths mid sentence. he started doing the worm on the table. splattering and smearing ice cream all over his naked body. dumping sprinkles on his head. tossing crushed up peanut butter cups and butter finger pieces into the air by the hand full. no one could take their eyes off of him. until, from the other side of the room, a door opened. it was hillary. she was wearing a red, royal looking robe. the collar must have been a foot in width and shimmering gold. she slowly, elegantly walked through the crowd. brushing people aside with a slight sweep of her hand. her eyes half closed the whole time and fixed in the distance. she stopped next to the table, grabbed a mans tie and drew him out of his chair and used it as a step. she was on the table in this beautiful robe, pat in the background flailing about. she slowly untied her robe, letting the belt fall to her feet. she pulled the front apart, the back slowly sliding down her shoulders. and then the robe was on the table next to the belt. and suddenly, the both struck a pose. hill like cleopatra and pat like a break dancer, legs crossed, one hand on his hip and the other behind his head. and that was it. we all stared.

it's been a while since i've woken up laughing. this one was a good one.