Right then it hit me. This is the first time my grandmother has visited me since she passed. It's been, god, I don't even know how long, 13 years or so. She aged and prepared us perfectly. Not as we would have been when she passed but younger. To the age we would have been when there were frequent sleep overs. Pancakes. Cookies and milk. Trips to the zoo. To the movies. Television programs. Enchiladas. Lemon Cake and vanilla bean ice cream.
It was nice to be a child again. To have all my problems cured just by being in the vicinity of caring parents, family. The comfort of knowing that no matter what there was my fathers lap to crawl onto while he sits in his recliner reading the paper. That there would be the kitchen where I could chop vegetables for my mom while she wold reinforce who I am, where I've come from and where I'm going.
This morning I woke up feeling the most vulnerable I've felt in a long time.